Title: Who Will Speak
Author: Bj Jones
Rating: FRM
Summary: Thirty minutes too long. Thirty minutes too short.
Author’sNote: Inspired by the song ‘Who’ by Gypsy Soul.
Series: Going Home
***
Dean left Sam at the hotel; he had slipped a mickey into his drink. He wasn’t going to make Sam watch his death. Sam had spent months trying to find a way out of Dean’s deal, and now time was up.
He kissed his brother on the forehead. “I’m sorry, Sammy. I only wanted to save you, never wanted you to be in pain. But I don’t regret it.”
He drove along the dark highway, just him and his girl.
There was no music playing. No amount of Metallica or Def Leppard was going to sooth him.
He was alone with his thoughts. His memories.
Dean couldn’t help but wonder what was he leaving behind? A car? A jacket? They weren’t even his. Nothing was his. The only thing that was his to give was his soul.
What legacy was he leaving? Would anyone even care he was gone? Cry over his grave? Toast his name?
Who will speak in my absence
Who will stand in my place
Will you rejoice in the life that I have led
Dean stopped the car at the edge of the crossroads. He had thirty minutes until midnight.
Thirty minutes too long.
Thirty minutes too short.
He closed his eyes, biting back the sob that wanted to escape from his throat. Was this it? The end for Dean Winchester? Not going out in blaze of glory, but instead under the claws of hellhounds.
He shook his head.
Dean Winchester would not face his death with fear. He had done what was needed. Saved Sammy.
He opened the door and stepped out into the balmy night air. He slipped off his jacket and set it on the seat of the Impala, along with his ring and a letter to Sam.
He reached for the amulet, but he couldn’t live without it around his neck, not even for the twenty-eight minutes left of his life.
Who will I inspire along the way
Who will sing at my passing
Who will dance upon my grave
And for whom will I be a lasting memory
For whom will I easily fade away
He leaned against the hood of his girl and looked up into the night sky. It was actually beautiful, no clouds, just a brilliant display of stars.
‘I’m sorry,’he whispered into the night. ‘I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough. I’m sorry for the lives that I didn’t save. For the lives I took. For those I left behind. For the ones I loved and those I didn’t.’
There were no last prayers of redemption. No pleas for mercy. No magical cure. No deal to be made.
He glanced at his watch. Nineteen minutes.
His mind drifted back over his life. Memories of Mom, her laughter and sweet smile. Of Dad and his gruff voice and pained eyes. Of Sammy when his parents brought his little brother home. The moment he saw him, he knew Sammy was his life. That he had found his purpose.
He wondered what his life could have been like. Would he have taken the offer from MIT, gone to college, met some nice girl? Gotten married, had a family. Been best man at Sam and Jessica’s wedding? He would have made a cool Uncle.
Do I give enough
Do I love enough
Do I live enough
Did I ever give up on anyone I shouldn’t have
Do I risk enough
Do I forgive enough
Do I trust enough
Am I good enough
Ten minutes.
Dean thinks about those he had saved. The people who were alive today because of the Winchesters. The children who will grow up, go to college, have families. He remembered Cassie, and how he had found someone to love for a short time. Where, for a moment in time, he had had the elusive normal. But like he told Sammy: Winchesters weren’t meant for normal.
As the clock ticked down, Dean finally found peace within himself.
He had given what he could. Saved those he could and given them a future. His future.
He had loved and been loved in return.
He had lived a good life. It wasn’t normal, but it was his.
He had risked everything the day he had whispered his love into his brother’s ear and had won everything when Sammy whispered his in return.
He gave his all.
And the only thing he ever gave up on.
Was himself.
Who will wake from this slumber
Who will share in the faith
That we are the sum
of the choices we make
We can not lay down at the mercy of fate
Five Minutes.
A single tear ran down his cheek. He would never again look into Sam’s brown eyes. Never again feel his lips on his own.
He won’t be there to sooth him when he wakes up with nightmares.
He won’t be there to watch his back.
Dean gave his life so Sam can live.
He looked at his watch.
Midnight.
Howls pierced the night air.
Do I give enough
Do I love enough
Do I live enough
Did I ever give up on anyone I shouldn’t have
Do I risk enough
Do I forgive enough
Do I trust enough
Am I good enough