{"id":19020,"date":"2021-12-02T08:00:39","date_gmt":"2021-12-02T16:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/?p=19020"},"modified":"2021-11-24T20:01:20","modified_gmt":"2021-11-25T04:01:20","slug":"sylum-advent-2021-december-2nd","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/sylum-advent-2021-december-2nd\/","title":{"rendered":"Sylum Advent 2021: December 2nd"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Title: Embrace<\/span><\/p>\n

Author: Gil Grissom<\/span><\/p>\n

Character: Bud Elder<\/span><\/p>\n

Rating: G<\/span><\/p>\n

Summary: Bud finally accepts the knowledge that he\u2019s ace wholeheartedly.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

Bud always knew he was different.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Even from a young age, certain kinds of relationships between adults that he\u2019d witnessed seemed odd to him. Other children he knew seemed baffled by adults as well, so he\u2019d pushed it aside, thinking that he would probably understand better when he was older.<\/span><\/p>\n

He grew older and it didn\u2019t really change. It wasn\u2019t that he didn\u2019t understand it on an intellectual level. He understood the mechanics and he had an academic understanding of the physical and psychological drives to procreate, if not in those particular words. He understood desire in general.<\/span><\/p>\n

But when it came to other people, he just didn\u2019t <\/span>feel <\/span><\/i>it. He had no practical understanding of what it was like to want to kiss a girl or engage in sex with a woman. Or later, when he realized that religion and the narrow-minded assholes that believed a bunch of nonsense had been lying to him, what it was like to want to kiss or have sex with a man.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

He had no desire at all to do anything with anyone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For a long while, Bud thought that he just might be some kind of freak of nature, broken in a way that others just weren\u2019t. Becoming a Vampire hadn\u2019t helped with that sort of thing, but then again, at the time there was little understanding of sexuality beyond hetero- and homosexuality.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Even more baffling for him was that he understood <\/span>romantic <\/span><\/i>attraction. He knew what it was like to have a crush on someone, to have his heart beat a little faster, his cheeks flush when talking to them, to want to spend time with them and hold their hand. It was the sex part of things that he didn\u2019t want and he didn\u2019t understand it at all.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

For the longest time, he\u2019d kept those feelings to himself, pretended he was just like all the other men around him, and even on occasion forced himself to engage in sexual activity. It always left him feeling hollow and shaky, so he didn\u2019t do it often…only when it seemed like it would be more detrimental for his health if he didn\u2019t. Men really were assholes a lot of the time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Once he\u2019d become a Vampire, Bud had disengaged from the sexual part of things completely. He wasn\u2019t vulnerable to a gang of assholes beating the shit out of him because they thought he was some kind of deviant because he had no interest in getting into a girl\u2019s knickers. And if he got caught unawares by a gang of hooligans…well, he\u2019d recover quickly and could always eat them, and not in a fun way for them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t until the very late twentieth century and into the twenty-first that sexuality beyond gay, straight, and bi was really looked at and intensely studied and understood. And accepted, for the most part. There were always assholes who had to prove just how tiny their dicks were via their personalities and beliefs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bud had a lot to thank Lucas for. He\u2019d always liked the kid, though he was aware that where most people lived walking right in the center of normal for a given value of such a thing, Lucas was always just to the left of it. Bud wasn\u2019t sure if it was a product of being raised by Jack Sparrow after being found following a traumatic experience, or if it was whatever was done to him a few decades back. Bud didn\u2019t know the details, never asked since it wasn\u2019t his business, but something had changed him drastically from the cheerful if sheltered young man he\u2019d always been to the sometimes haunted, mostly introverted Vampire he\u2019d become.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Whatever he\u2019d been through, Bud had a feeling the kid was stronger than most, and he respected him a lot for it. He also knew the kid was some kind of genius, and his ability with technology was surpassed by only a few in the world. Thus, with some time and patience, he had dragged Bud\u2019s dinosaur ass into the twenty-first century and got him navigating the Internet like a damn pro.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Which was how he ended up where he was today, finally understanding himself in a way that he\u2019d always thought was hopeless.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t <\/span>damaged<\/span><\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t <\/span>broken<\/span><\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t <\/span>hopeless<\/span><\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

He was asexual.<\/span><\/p>\n

A bi-romantic asexual to be more precise about it. He didn\u2019t think he was actually sex-repulsed, as back when he\u2019d been in those situations, it was more the feeling of being forced to be one of the guys and engage than it was the sex itself. The sex was just…meh. It was there, it was a function of human biology, nothing to write home about. If he never engaged with another human that way, he wouldn\u2019t be mad about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But knowing…<\/span>knowing<\/span><\/i> this part of himself and what he did and didn\u2019t want. Knowing that he wasn\u2019t broken or damaged or wrong…it was such a relief that he\u2019d broken down in tears and freaked out all of his housemates, including his brother, until they realized what was going on. They\u2019d all been supportive and had made a point to educate themselves on his sexuality, which had been touching, to say the least.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It was easier now, to engage with the others, to understand that he could enjoy the dynamics of those around him and the ridiculousness they got up to without feeling like he was missing out on something, that there was something so fundamentally wrong with him that he needed to keep his distance because he didn\u2019t want to infect them with his oddities. He felt free in a way that he\u2019d never felt before.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Everything was lighter for him, and he was happier than he\u2019d ever been. He\u2019d even got John to come to a few sessions with Red so he could fully understand where Bud was coming from, without Bud having to twist his arm about it. That had meant more to him than he could say.<\/span><\/p>\n

He knew he was lucky. He had a good relationship with his brother, his Clan was supportive and accepting and did everything they could to make sure he knew that he was wanted and understood, and loved.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He had a good life, and embracing who he was, accepting that there was nothing wrong with him, led him to this moment, whirling Alma around the dance floor, both of them barely managing to stay upright because they were so busy laughing at Daniel and David and their ridiculous antics in the middle of the dance floor that they wouldn\u2019t be able to breathe if it was something they had to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

And that was the best thing ever.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Title: Embrace Author: Gil Grissom Character: Bud Elder Rating: G Summary: Bud finally accepts the knowledge that he\u2019s ace wholeheartedly.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[1003,137],"tags":[1014,1004,86],"class_list":["post-19020","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sylum-advent-2021","category-sylum-events","tag-story-embrace","tag-sylum-advent-2021","tag-writer-gil-grissom"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Da1M-4WM","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":19024,"url":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/sylum-advent-2021-december-3rd\/","url_meta":{"origin":19020,"position":0},"title":"Sylum Advent 2021: December 3rd","author":"Nicolaus Meridius","date":"December 3, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Artwork: Frankenstein Artist: Gil Grissom","rel":"","context":"In "Sylum Advent: 2021"","block_context":{"text":"Sylum Advent: 2021","link":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/category\/sylum-events\/sylum-advent-2021\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/bar-banner_advent2021.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":19111,"url":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/sylum-advent-2021-december-17th\/","url_meta":{"origin":19020,"position":1},"title":"Sylum Advent 2021: December 17th","author":"Nicolaus Meridius","date":"December 17, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Artwork: Jonathon Royce Artist: Gil Grissom","rel":"","context":"In "Sylum Advent: 2021"","block_context":{"text":"Sylum Advent: 2021","link":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/category\/sylum-events\/sylum-advent-2021\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/bar-banner_advent2021.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":19147,"url":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/sylum-advent-2021-december-23rd\/","url_meta":{"origin":19020,"position":2},"title":"Sylum Advent 2021: December 23rd","author":"Nicolaus Meridius","date":"December 23, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Artwork: Rick and Daryl Artist: Gil Grissom","rel":"","context":"In "Sylum Advent: 2021"","block_context":{"text":"Sylum Advent: 2021","link":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/category\/sylum-events\/sylum-advent-2021\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/bar-banner_advent2021.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":19136,"url":"https:\/\/www.sylumclan.com\/sylumblog\/sylum-advent-2021-december-21st\/","url_meta":{"origin":19020,"position":3},"title":"Sylum Advent 2021: December 21st","author":"Nicolaus Meridius","date":"December 21, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Art: Sylum Clan Hunters - 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